My Life on Points

Okay so it hasn't even been 2 full weeks yet, but things feel completely different this time around. My attitude has definitely shifted from, "this is something I need to do to get thin" (subtext: I am being punished for being fat), to "this is something I am CHOOSING to do for myself" (subtext: even though it does get rough, I am happy to make better choices for myself because it makes me feel good). That shift didn't come easy though. A lot of soul searching and binge episodes were required to get me to that point.

So far I have been able to fit WW in to my life easily. I even had dinner with my in-laws this weekend without having to alert them that I was counting points again and obsess over what was being served. I haven't told anyone except my husband that I was doing this again...(well...and you guys!). I didn't tell anyone. Not so much because I was afraid I was going to fail. Okay, Perhaps a little bit of it had to do with that. But more so because I feel that this time I am finally doing this for myself. I want this. I'm doing it only to get myself what I want, not because I know that everyone else is thinking I should be doing this. I'm done trying to prove myself or please the rest of the world. This time it's for me.

I feel more comfortable doing it this time, though I've been protected by the sanctity of my own house and cooking for most of it. Next month with family celebrations, holidays, and a weekend out with friends will put me to the test. I have to say that I have been able to be flexible this time which has allowed me to stay on course properly.

This weekend while I was out with my kids we stopped for some pizza. I was a little nervous even though I had enough points to have a slice. Something awesome happened during that lunch though. I ran out of water but really needed a drink. I had been avoiding having a sip of the girls' iced tea because I would rather eat my points than drink them. Anyway, I needed something to wash down my last bit of pizza so I took a small sip and almost had to spit it out because it was way too sweet!! It was a natural iced tea sweetened with real cane sugar, so not even one of those super sweet high fructose corn syrup laden drinks. I was happily in disbelief as I took another sip and had the same reaction. Normally I would have downed a whole bottle for myself, and now here I am pushing away after two small sips! Now if only I could have that same reaction towards cake!!!

My First Few Days

I've made it through four and a half days already even though I didn't have a full menu planned out and my kitchen fully stocked like I originally intended. I'm the kind of person who throws in the towel the minute things don't go as planned so that was a big deal for me.

The first day was a little rough. I was hungry and still just wanted something to chew, crunch or whatever. I got past it though. I didn't want to screw up my first day. Those urges got less and less the next couple days. I still feel uncomfortable in those times when I would eat to calm myself or just to feel better, but at least I could recognize those times for what they are and hopefully learn better ways to handle them. My ability to stay in points so far is boosting my confidence.

All the food I've prepared for myself has been delicious thus far(I have a TON of WW cookbooks to help with recipes and ideas). The tactic that has proven to be most useful though, is forcing myself to eat slowly. Taking small bites and throughly chewing, putting my food (or fork) down between bites to drink or talk to my family, that's what's been helping me to feel less deprived during and after meals. My impulse is to shove as much stuff into my mouth as I can, and so by forcing myself to eat slowly I am eating less and giving my body time to feel full.

I also got over another perfectionist issue this week. In the past I would be meticulous about weighing and measuring so that I can calculate exact point values. When I'm home and have the luxury of my food scale and measuring cups that's not so much an issue. When I go out though I would have to estimate not only how much of what I ate, but what I thought an appropriate point value would be. This issue has led to my demise in the past. If I can't be exact I can't deal with counting. I was able to resonably estimate a meal and still feel like I was being true to the program. That was a huge victory.

So I am happy so far with my progress, but I can see how this is a battle that needs to be taken one day at a time. Or rather one meal at a time!